An Incomplete Truth

SOME SCIENTISTS .. believe that the earth is actually made up of DISCARDED CIGARETTE BUTTS. This theory, also known as the THEORETICAL DISCARDED BUTT ASH THEORY, is widely disregarded as “THE OPEN SOURCE” smoking clover. The more discarded ash and butt or BUTT ASH the butter. WE tend to ASSume that this ASHLEY would SIMPSONLY just go away like DUST in the WIND, but we live on it. WE live BREATHE and EAT IT. It is our MASS and we all want TONS of ENERGY we can just call on at a momentums notice. BELIEVE ME, the SCIENTISTS have bigger plans for this char of VIRGINIAN GOLD.

NOW .. lets look at the MO factor. “MOMMY, IF BRAK SMOK I SMOK!” Now children can SMOKE if the MICHAEL PHELPS shows you how, its purely our atmosphere to fill with whatever economic ballot we can MUSTARD. I bring you .. everyone a citizen .. a package of cigarettes in your male box. I’ll tell you ONCE and I’ll tell you 100 TIMES. What has happened is - OBAMA will give you a $500 Tax Credit to STIMULATE your CAPILLARIES - SO .. go have a SMOKE! RELAX .. INHALE and proudly state that you have done so .. this is the FUTURE of the BURGER ATMOSPHERE SULFUR CARBON MONO PRIUS NIGHTLY EMISSIONS…… (WHoo hoo! $500! I’m goin’ to DISNEY WORLD!)

YO! CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK IT. CHECK THIS OUT, YO. YA’LL DIS IS REEL.
LISTEN UP FOK IN UR COMMUNITY. YO, DIS IS THE HIPHOP COMMUNITY.

So here is 180 PROOF our world is CHANGING. NOW .. I’M *WARNING* you. This IMAGE
you are about to SEE is shirley DISTURBING. It is an EXACTING PROOF that our WORLD
is CHANGING and PERHAPS evidence that WE CANNOT CHANGE IT! I just saw this on the
9:30PM NEWS report EXTRA:

THIS is an ICE BRIDGE. Some scientists believe it has existed since our planet was formed: About 100 to 200 years AGO! By this dramatic show of disintegration of ICE we can see that our MOTHER NATURE is on a DOWNWARD SLOPE to REAL CHANGE. CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN. The EARTH is CHANGING and we CANNOT STOP IT! Can you believe it? What if NEW YORK CITY is DESTROYED?

What would be NEXT? Los Angeles? Ft. Lauderdale? Lenexa? Jefferton? I EMPLOY YOU!
It must be stopped!!

A statement from the DESK of the PRESIDENT ELECT states:

“Now I propose, uh that every US citizen, uh receive a stimulus check for $25,000. Uh so that you can purchase, uh a new, uh Toyota Priuses. Now my opponent, uh will say that this is, uh pandering to hippies and ultra conservative liberals. Uh but I can assert you and, uh per se you that these communities taxes, uh will not be used in any a less, uh frivolous way. Uh thank you.”

It is so written in this FIRM INSERTION that I believe we will SAVE the WILKINS ice shelf and allow the free peoples of upper and lower CLOUD to once again join in their annual migration to the CENTRAL POINT of WILKINS ICE COMMUNITY. This will allow the species to continue to FLOURISH and repopulate the entire ANTARCTIC COMMUNITY CENTER.

OOPS!!

Now this is what I mean. These are the SNUGGLY SLEEZY BLANKETS or SLANKETS which can reduce your CARBON ASS PRINT by using your CARBON ASS PRINT to generate THERMAL GLOBAL NUCLEAR WARMING in your UNDEROOS. This is the BIG TICKET ITEM this HOLIDAY SLEASON. I urge you all to VOTE for BRAK and get your PARENTS a few of these. I think its a GREAT CHOICE for anyone who is into SOLID PASTELS.

WARNING: May cause EBS (Explosive Bowel Syndrome) and random appearances of Bob Odenkirk for President.

OMG - OH ME GIZZARDS

TWR - THEY WERE RIGHT

YWR - YOU WERE RONG

Yeah Ding Dong.. you were RONG.  So-called scientists have CONFIRMED beyond any reasonable DOUBT that the analogue mercury, hand painted, hand graded THEIR-MOM-EATERS of 100 years ago prove that GLOBAL TEMPERATURES HAVE RISEN BY 1 DEGREE FARHENHEIT!  That is all the proof I need that the GLOBAL WARMING fashion trend has begun rolling and will never stop until we are all destroyed.  You can’t stop it.  You think you can?  With your Hybrid-EScalade?  Look, you can’t even stop to miss a kid riding his skateboard down the street, what makes you think you can stop GROVARL WALMING?  I didn’t think you could.  Did you see those huge chunks of the GREENLANDIC ICE SHELF that have been floating down to NOVA SCOTIA??  This isn’t just a tourist attraction man, this is REELS.  The world is REELING from affliction and your refusual to use NUCLEAR POWERED CARS.    Each iceberg, with the exception of the one that the TITANIC hit (that one was just pure evil), are PURE EARTHEN TEARS!! Mother EARTH is crying for you!!  You know how tears work?  They’re a clensing process.  They MENSTRATE the eyes and RESET the emotional quadrant of the BRAIN.  Its like your FALLOPIAN MIND TUBES are TIED. 

The bottom line is - WHERE IS THE STATUS QUO?  Don’t give me any BS about some ‘last iceage’ that occured thousands of years before the EARTH was CREATED by GOD!  The EARTH will always be exactly the SAME and unchanging.  No matter what PCBs are in the water or what GREENHOUSE GASSES are in the ATMOSPHERE.. You think we can change it?  YES WE CAN!!  We can start by recycling our own WASTE in our THIGH PADS of our FREMEN SUITS.  I just got mine (along with a cool Zyclon-B grade gas mask) on EBAY before you were born.  Its awesome.  BE PREPARED… You never know what awaits you as we KILL OUR MOTHER EARTH.  In the future the earth with be a giant desert planet and the WORMS ARE THE SPICE!

Some “scientists” claim Suns do what is alledgely called “SOLAR OSCILLATION”. These “scientists” will actually try to make you believe that suns do not burn at a constant rate. In fact, some “scientists” believe that our sun is a star! Can you believe that? Al Gore knows our SUN ain’t no star. Its just in the sky waiting to be harnessed.

These so called “scientists” also claim that our sun, which they also say is a star, is actually a giant nuclear reactor!!! Can you believe that?? NUCLEAR REACTOR IN SPACE! Yeah right. If every star were a nuclear reactor wouldn’t we all be ashes right now??? or mutant zombie man bear pigs? I tell you, these “scientists” really have got it all wrong.

PLANET OF HELIUM!

These so called “scientists” also argue that our sun, which they also call a star, converts some large cubic feet per second of hydrogen (an environmentally friendly fuel alternative) into helium (an evil gas distributed by a large network of party clowns)! HA! So what? A GIANT FLOATING ORB OF NUCLEAR REACTION .. IN SPACE .. FLOATING .. CONVERTING A FOSSIL FUEL ALTERNATIVE INTO PARTY GAS?? MY ASS!!! Maybe that HELIUM is what keeps it FLOATING!? Ever hear of GRAVITY!? Why the hell does the sun need to produce HELIUM when it can clearly curve the fabric of space with its own MASS? ASS!

What’s next? They’ll claim the sun doesn’t rise nor set but rather the earth rotates on some sort of axis of scienfecal evilness? HA!

Supposedly, these “scientists” say, that the sun is just in the ‘hotter’ period of its oscillating cycle and may burn hot for thousands of years before cooling. Thats cool. A cool sun, just what I need when I go to beach for my annual TAN!!

Whatever .. you and your “scientific” ways. You make me sick! We all know the real reason is cinematic shots of glaciers falling into the ocean, as they have done everyday for centuries, is the only way to show us that the god damn beaver is going to shed a tear on his fricken man bear pig horse up on a high cliff over looking LA! Only WE can prevent FOREST FIRES! MAN BERRRRRRRRRRRRR PIG!!!

PIG BEAR MAN MAN BEAR PIG MAN PIG BEAR BEAR MAN PIG BEAR PIG MAN PIG BMAN BEAR AL GORE PIG BEAR MAN BEAR PIG MAN BEAR PIG

HEY GUYS. We need this guy. I voted for George W. Bush 5 times which is why he got elected twice. I didn’t vote for Bore but now I see, you are right. I should have voted for Bore instead of Nader. Its really all my fault. I have a 10 room mansion and I’m going to put solar panels on it that face North. Its really the best way to collect the least amount of sunlight, because, lets face it. We have to conserve the sun. I’m a conservationist!! I heard someone say that all the Hummers and SUVs should be ground up and turned into fuel for hybrids .. and they were half serious. OKAY .. so how much energy will it take to grind up all of those vehicles?

Lets siphon helium from the moon. Its just sitting there in the sky look all funny at us .. like some giant lagomorph making mochi. What the hell? If it were made from cheese then perhaps we could at least feed the starving class for a while.

I’m really for Mr. Burn’s recycle initiative. I mean, the ocean is there to be recycled. Thats what you do when your breaking ships and turning your yellow green rivers into to blue ones. You put it all in the ocean… because the ocean can recycle it. I’m into recycling. I just recycled my toilet.

Man, I want Al Bore to run. I wonder why he made a joke about something so serious at the Academy Awards show? I mean, that would have been fricken awesome if he made his announcement there. I really like to hear him talk about ZERO CARBON FOOT PRINT. Has anyone established a baseline yet though? I agree taking small steps can help, and we should help even if the sun’s oscillations are making us feel too ‘hot’ for now. Crap, I’m off topic.

Al Bore for PRESIDENT!!!! I think he’s scared of Billary, what do you think? Maybe he and Billary have an Understood Truth that he won’t take any votes away from her.

Did you hear Woof Belcher on CNN spew out a tag before a commercial break two weeks ago about “And what about Ralph Nader? Could he do the exact same thing that he did to Al Bore in 2000???”

Feckin Woof Belcher. That guy is so annoying. He’s out of line.